May 22, 2013
by Anne
1 Comment

Replacing the Should with Could

A few days ago I was inspired by someone’s idea to stop using the word should and replace it with the word could.

The first thing that came to my mind was “I should do the dishes” and after replacing it with “I could do the dishes” I realized that I actually had a choice. A choice which was surprisingly as motivating to actually get me to do them, as it was to give me an excuse to skip out until a more convenient time…

Sometimes we live our lives doing particular things because we should do them and sometimes we just feel guilty about all of the things we should do, but we can’t seem to find/make time for. I don’t know about you, but I always feel guilty when the dishes are piled high and I’m exhausted beyond belief and that lingering “should do the dishes” wont leave me alone. But maybe the problem isn’t the dishes, maybe the problem is the guilt. Maybe I am spending too much time thinking about all of the things I should have done, when the truth is, that if I turn the should into a could everything makes a lot more sense…because now it is a tangible choice:  I could do the dishes (I really could). Do I want to right now, would now be the best time to do them? Or maybe I could not do the dishes, and instead play a game with my kids before they go to bed? Which one could I do right now and which one could I do later? My kids could help me do the dishes, my husband could wash the table or I could go play… I think it removes the guilt, removes the excuse and makes us choose.

I wonder if all my should’s is why I am so terrible at making choices?

Anyhow, I kind of like thinking in could’s not should’s…

I could weed the garden.

I could go to the grocery store.

I could play outside with the kids.

I could run through the sprinklers.

I could help someone in need.

I could smile.

I could make dinner.

I could do something spontaneous.

I could _________.

May 21, 2013
by Anne
1 Comment

Lift up the Hands that Hang Down

I have often wondered how I can lift other people when I am feeling so desperately the need to be lifted? How can I give to others, when inside, I feel empty? How can I give a smile, when I feel like frowning? How can I help the weary, when I am so exhausted?

Sometimes, I want to be the one who gets helped…

There have been a few times in my life where I have literally cried out for help, and no one came. I’ll be honest, when I tell you, that sometimes I have thought “When is it my turn…when is the miracle going to happen for me?” When I am sitting alone in church, desperately longing for a friend, I have had the thought “when is someone going to sit by me…when is someone going to notice?”

A few years ago, I realized that no one was going to notice. I realized this when I saw another girl, just like me, sitting a few isles away. She looked lonely…and I realized that I had to do the noticing…even though I desperately wanted someone to notice me.

Three days ago, I was back feeling sorry for myself. Wondering why? Why don’t I have anybody to talk to who understands? Why is no one helping me? Why doesn’t someone knock on my door after I’ve had such a terrible day and say “I thought I would stop by, I was just thinking of you.”

Two days ago we took our 3 little kids to make sandwiches for the homeless. I had a fun time making the sandwiches and watching my daughter (especially) get excited to help. But when it came to delivering them, I got scared. I’ve never actually been to the Road Home, I’ve never actually walked among the poor. I was terrified. But as we walked, and handed out sandwiches I realized something:

I have been given much, and much is expected from me.

I can’t stay at home moping about thinking “Why me? When is someone going to help me?” Because there are too many people who need help, and not enough people helping. The strong can’t use being weak as an excuse. 

Maybe in a perfect world, someone would show up on my doorstep every time I needed a hand. And maybe every time I was feeling down, someone would come skipping by to give me flowers and a hug and say that perfect something that I needed to hear. But this world…is hurting.

It is true, that sometimes I am hurting…but I have the truth. I know God loves me and I know it is my duty to help others find him…

It is easy to start feeling sorry for ourselves. I know, I do it all the time. It is easy to think “Why don’t I have any friends?” or “When is someone going to listen to me?” or “When are my challenges going to be eased?” In essence: ” When is someone going to show up on my front door the moment before I pass out in hunger, with that box of much needed food?”

Sometimes I want to live an excuse. I want to rely on others for my strength. But we are not going to find strength from others…if we are the strongest ones. It is time. Time to choose. Time to stand up out of mud, and lift down our weary hands to those who are even more weary. And maybe…maybe that is when we will find our strength.

May 17, 2013
by Anne
1 Comment

Five Minute Friday: Song

I think I have now cheated about 5 times with this five minute friday. I cannot for the life of me figure out what I want to write about the word song? What does it mean to me? What stories do I have to tell? literally nothing is coming to mind…

I think somewhere inside of me there is a song just waiting to burst out. Waiting for me to belt out at the top of my lungs. I often have dreams where I am in a play…a musical…and somehow, I have the lead roll. And amazingly I am able to sing, incredibly well and loud (not at all like me in real life). It is weird, that that dream just came to me. I have had that dream a number of times. I wonder what it means.

They say that the dreamer is the only one who is able to decipher the true meaning of their own dream. I guess that makes sense.

Maybe it represents my potential?  My capacity to do more than I think I can. Maybe it represents a weakness that can be made strong, even though it seems completely illogical that it could be made strong…

Do dreams really have meanings?

(Want to join in on Five Minute Friday? Click here.)

May 10, 2013
by Anne
2 Comments

Five Minute Friday: Comfort

There are a few things in life that I have always allowed to give me comfort. When I am having a bad day I always allowed myself to be comforted by food. Big bags of m&m’s, yummy oreos with a tall glass of milk etc. And giving up sugar (back in December) was like taking away my comfort blanket. I also allow myself to find comfort in media. There’s nothing better than turning on a movie to wash your worries away. To escape from the real world. Or not to mention turning on the computer and zoning out on Facebook, or pinterst. I’ve tried to stop that too…and it is hard. Hard to leave the digital world and live, present, and alive in the real world. Lately, I’ve realized that I find comfort in another way. I have been trying to think more positive thoughts, and I have found that I find comfort in the negative ones. They are what I have always known. They are safe…or so they seemed. It is hard to be happy when all you want it to be sad.  It is hard to forgive when you feel like the person you are forgiving doesn’t deserve it. It is hard to leave the feelings you have always clung to, and let them go…because I really don’t know what to expect. It doesn’t feel safe, and yet I know it is. It has to be safer than what I have known. It has to be safer than all the meanness that I’ve clung to in the past. I am coming to realize that my old comforts aren’t good, and it is time I find and start to cling to the real comforter…not the illusions…it is time to let go, and be truly comforted.

{Want to join in…click here}

May 9, 2013
by Anne
1 Comment

Is It Possible To Stop Complaining?

I don’t know about you, but I always kind of hated those church talks that went something like this:

“And my mother, who had been bed ridden for a number of years never once complained…”

“And even though she was given more than her fair share of challenges, she didn’t complain…ever.”

“And even when she lost the use of her right leg and then she suddenly went blind, and then her favorite dog died all in the same week, she had so much faith that she never murmured even the tiniest complaint.”

…I guess I never found those kind of talks to be motivational, they mostly just made me feel guilty, because I complain about lots of stuff, lots. And I complain about things that are much less…well…life altering.

A few days ago I read a quote and it basically posed this question: Do people complain because they are unhappy? Or are they unhappy because they complain? 

It got me thinking.

For the past few weeks or so, I have really been trying to turn my normal pessimistic attitude into a positive one. I have been filling my mind with positive affirmations, listening to positive meditations, reading books about positive thinking…and I honestly think it is helping me to be a more happy person (which is something I desperately need right now…).

I’ve been doing pretty good with it, I think (for a life long pessimist).

But then, last night I started complaining.

It started off with me teasing my husband, joking around about some of the things I wanted him to get done around the house. I made one little comment, and then I thought of something else. So I made another comment, and that one led to another and then another. Until my mouth was just spilling out complaints and it really seemed like I could go on for-ev-er!  It was weird. It was like that first comment was a little trickle of water, a little drop in a bucket. But as soon the water started to spill, there was no way to stop it. It started gushing out, pouring out until the bucket was overflowing. All of a sudden I started to feel angry and upset, a little bit hurt and offended. It started off as just a comment, just an itty bitty complaint, nothing to be angry about. And wow, it turned into something a lot bigger. It was eye opening for me as I watched it all unfold.

As I allowed myself to complain I could feel my happiness draining out of me along with each complaint. 

I guess what I am trying to say, is that maybe all those talks about incredible women who are so full of faith and hope and love and NO COMPLAINING when things got tough, maybe they figured out this little secret a little faster than I did. Maybe they chose happiness over misery and that happiness began with their choice to not complain. Maybe they knew that if they started to complain they wouldn’t be able to stop. Maybe they knew that if they complained they would lose their faith and their happiness and their hope.

I think my whole life I have thought people who didn’t complain were just these super human people who were born with such an incredible positive outlook on life…they were lucky…and it would be impossible (in every sense of the word) to be like them. But I think now, that maybe I just had it backwards. Maybe it doesn’t take an incredibly happy person to not complain, maybe it takes an incredibly good non-complainer to be happy.

You know what the opposite of complaining is?

Being Grateful. 

Just something to think about :-)